jailbreak, let me out of here.

Yes, I missed some days.

This post will probably only serve to please myself, as I’m going to be discussing a band that is near and dear to my heart, The Cure.  However, I’d like to talk about the more upbeat sound of The Cure, which I think is oftentimes overlooked in examining the band’s works. Yes, The Cure is certainly the prototypical gloomy goth band (in fact, one could argue they are the quintessential goth band). Listen to any of their earlier albums and you are struck by the minimalism and darkness of the band. Yet even though such sounds have become their trademarks, The Cure has never been afraid of opening up their sound and working lyrically towards a more upbeat, pop sound (although one still comfortably ensconced in the musical styles of their gloomier works). I would argue that The Cure in fact succeeds incredibly when it comes to making perfect pop songs.

“In Between Days” is perhaps the first truly upbeat song to emerge from the band.  It represents a clear shift in some elements of the band’s sound, and not surprisingly the album which would follow “The Head on the Door” (of which “In Between Days” was a single from) would in fact become the first album to show off the more pop-oriented styings of Robert Smith. That album was “Kiss me, Kiss me, Kiss me”, of which “Just Like Heaven” and “Why Can’t I be you?” were released as singles.

Both of these songs represent the best of the newly emerging pop side of The Cure. “Just Like Heaven” in particular as it is perhaps the most recognizable song from the band for those who do not listen to the gloomier stuff. Robert Smith’s lyrics are easily understood as those of a love song, and the wide open expansive sound of the song is marvellous.

In, 1992 with the release of “Wish”, we were given what I believe is the ultimate release in terms of singles of the pop side of The Cure.  “Friday I’m In Love” is the track that everybody knows, and rightfully so as it is a perfect pop song, catchy and beautiful. However, as a b-side “Halo” is for me just that much more better. “Halo” has a darker sound, more reminiscent of their earlier works. It is not as buoyant as “Friday I’m In Love”, yet the lyrics carry much more weight. It is the epitome of the b-side that must be hunted down, which thankfully got a lot easier with the recent release of “Join the Dots”, a collection of b-sides and rarities.

Finally, 1996’s “Mint Car” off of the album “Wild Mood Swings”. While not as cohesive an album as “Wish” (and in retrospect a dissappointing follow-up), “Mint Car” as pure pop joy makes up for the shortcomings of the album as a whole. While in the same vein as “Friday”, “Mint Car”  impresses me in the maturity of the band and comfortableness in working within the pop style. Robert Smith actually sounds as if he is having fun, and I think I’m just glad to see that he can pull that off while not sounding as if the world is crashing onto his doorstep. Anyways, that wasn’t really well written I know, but I just felt like mentioning some great happy songs.

I feel safe in New York City

Ok, I know it’s not yet September 11th, but I thought I’d share my thoughts on the whole thing now before the deluge of media coverage reaches it’s peak next week and you become too saturated (if it is possible not to be saturated enough over the last five years). Yes, this is going to be a serious post. It’s actually hard for me to believe it’s been five years already. Since 9/11 occurred literally the week after I started university, it has become somewhat of a temporal benchmark for me. I won’t bore you with the “what I was doing when” speech, but I’ll just simply say that my memories of that day are still clear after all this time. With this anniversary you can count on seeing extensive media coverage of the event, and you’ll be able to hear the talking heads on all sides of the issue give their opinions, informed or not, on what has changed and what hasn’t since the attacks. Sadly, the stories that need to be told, the ones that explain how people saved each other and how many of those people died in the process, are often used by politicians on both sides of the issue as claims as to why their opinion is the right one. I think it will be rather unfortunate if the legacy of 9/11 turns out to be that of the politicians rather than the survivors’ accounts of that day. I’m not saying this because I feel that politics sure be ignored; it would be foolish to say that the event could even remain unpoliticized. Nor do I think anyone should be ignorant as to why the policies of the United States are as much to blame for the attacks as the terrorists themselves. But I am never impressed or moved by politicians on either side of the debate explaining why their actions are in dedication or tribute to those who died. I am, however, always moved by the stories of those who were there and what they saw. I am always moved by the undying duty of those rescue personnel who willing went into a situation where they ultimately paid with their lives. These are the things we should memoralize 9/11 for. However, we must at the same time be critical of how governments are willing to use our grief and sadness to further their own agendas. Sadly, this has been the case in the United States, and to a smaller extent in Canada. Somehow, to speak your mind in America after 9/11 and be critical of the government was equated to disloyalty to both those who died that day and those who fight overseas in Afghanistan and Iraq. It seems that finally that ideological construct is being carefully examined in the US and seen as the lie it actually is. Yet, too many people were willing to let some of their freedoms slip away in exchange for “protection” from terror. Unfortunately no government can provide such protection without damaging the foundation of the country itself. The beauty of a “War on Terror” is that it allows those in power to perpetually extend a state of fear and confusion because of the very opaqueness of the idea of “terror” itself. The real disservice to the troops, or the police officers, or the firefighters does not lie in criticizing the government, but rather choosing to allow said government to trample on rights and freedoms in the name of all those who died. My thoughts on this whole thing weren’t very elequent as I read this, however I’d like to hear what y’all have to say.

I’m trying to walk a straight line, on sour mash and cheap wine

While the 1980’s are not particularly looked upon as a golden age of filmmaking (most film fans would perhaps suggest the Golden Ages of the 30’s or 70’s in that regard), there were a hell of alot of enjoyable, fun films made in that decade. Many of these movies were aimed at the teenage/youth market, and even more of these films were comedies in which the social outcasts or misfits were allowed to shine. Some that come to mind are “Meatballs”, “Sixteen Candles”, “Better Off Dead”, and so forth. You’ll know what I’m talking about if you’ve seen these films. But tonight I want to talk about one specific film, “Revenge of the Nerds”. Mpix has been playing it consistently for the last month or so, and as I’ve watched it I realize how enjoyable and funny a film it really is. One of the great things about these movies is that the losers or nerds actually end up triumphing in the end. This film is no exception, as the boys from Lambda Lambda Lambda (the only fraternity that would accept them–and a Black one at that!) and the girls from Omega Mu actually succeed in winning the respect of their peers (except for the bastard Alpha Betas). What really makes this film for me however is a classic scene towards the end of the film. The Tri-Lams and the Mus, in order to beat the Alpha Betas, put on a musical number which is extremely hilarious and enjoyable. If you know anything about some of the music that came out of the 80’s (such as Kraftwerk, Devo, or even Michael Jackson), then I hope you’ll get some enjoyment out of this clip. Thanks to YouTube, I can share it with you all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkzAJs7NutM

who made who, who made you?

Let me describe the pop culture junk I see as I look around my room. There are two rather large statues of Michael Myers and Leatherface looming over everything, both with a sound feature that I had to disable as anytime I went near I was faced with the sounds of Jamie Lee Curtis screaming AND a chainsaw whirring madly. I also see the largest Alien Queen action figure possible as she stalks by that victim in “Aliens” with the chestburster (which you can make pop in and out of her chest!). The tail on this thing is at least fifteen inches long; mighty impressive I do declare. Of course, to balance that out right beside it is one of the many representations of Gizmo from “Gremlins” I have scattered around the room. This one in particular is a plush Gizmo in “sad” mode, his ears drooping and his eyes downcast. I got that one as a gift, and I’m happy to say they purchased the right mood Gizmo because he’s the one I relate to best (not that crazy bastard one doing the Rambo impression from the second film). Ahead of me is a notebook which contains some of the junk I’ve written; that’s not important. What is important is who is on the cover: Animal from “The Muppet Show”. I’m sure you’ve all seen that great show, and know what a crazy silly bastard Animal is. He’s fantastic. I also have behind me a Darth Vader case containing my collection of Star Wars action figures from the late 1970’s and early 1980’s. When I was young I was quite proud that I was able to get my hands on so many of the figures, which at that time could only really be found at flea markets. Obsessive-compulsive that I am however, I always made sure to give them a good hard cleaning with lots of dishsoap when I got them home. Lurking on one of my shelves is the Terror Dog from “Ghostbusters”, complete with red eyes that light up when you push down on his tail. I believe the one I have is Vinz Clortho. The other is Zuul. Under him are a bunch of little ET the Extraterrestrial’s wearing different clothes or pulling different poses. My favourite is the one where ET is dressed in his Halloween costume (he went as a ghost if you remember the movie). So really so far I’ve just listed a bunch of toys, which might give you the impression that I am a boy who has never grown up. But that is not the case. It’s just that pop culture tends to lend itself to the toy market more than anything else. Plus I grew up in the 80’s where just about every cartoon was in fact linked to a line of toys (and in some cases, the toys inspired the cartoons). What I’ve described is actually only a tiny portion of the junk I have. Downstairs, I have all of the toys I had a child. That means if I want to go down and play with the Ghostbusters, Turtles, He-Man and Dick Tracy!!! figures at one time I can. My basement is like a wet dream for boys from the 80’s. Oh, and my sister still has her My Little Pony stuff, so girls you are welcome to come over and play as well.

don’t you worry, ’cause it’s your turn tonight!

John McEnroe (who was one of the greatest tennis players ever) used to have a mean temper. He is famous for his arguments with the referees and umpires of the game, to which he would often exclaim “clearly inside the line!” or “you cannot be serious!” when a call went against him. I have decided to try to use these phrases as much as possible in my everyday life, as I believe the pleasure I would get from screaming these lines would far outweight the confusion on the part of the recipients. Just fair warning folks. I used to be quite the tennis enthusiast, in both watching the sport and playing it. However, let’s just say I was better at watching than playing. I did have a mean serve, but I was never able to tame it. That meant that only one time out of twenty would I be able to land it fairly; the other times usually ended with me having to run outside the courts to retrieve my ball before someone stole it. I was once an alternate for my high school tennis team, which meant that I got to travel to the city-wide finals at one point. I was there only by the grace of one of the coaches, who was also my math teacher and had a soft spot for me. In the rare event someone got injured, I would be called upon to fill in. Thankfully, this never happened, as I would have embarrassed the team beyond belief. That is pretty much the extent of my sports involvement in high school. I really could have cared less for gym class. I would not have minded it had we done fun stuff all the time, such as rugby or hockey. Instead, there were drills and running and more running and too much sweat. It was much easier to sit in class and do nothing than run around for an hour. Although I did kick complete ass in health class, and I mean really kick ass. Seeing as how the class was dumbed down for a bunch of grade nine boys who did not want to be there, I fail to see why no one else did as well as me. One jackass I knew, rather unfortunately, rushed out of the room when we were shown the video of a woman giving birth as it made him sick. It’s not often you get to see two pussies at once. Hahaha sorry, could not resist!

Oh by the way, all the blog titles this month are lines from AC/DC songs. Props if you happen to like them. I do.

number one with a bullet, i’m a power pack.

Ok, I assure you I’m writing this on September 2nd, no matter what the date says (as I fear it may show the 3rd). So I’m keeping my end of the bargain. I’ve got the soundtrack to A Beautiful Mind on, and it certainly is a beautiful piece of work by James Horner (who is famous for plagarizing his own work, although this score from what I can tell is pretty much all new). The score compliments the pretty great film of the same name by Ron Howard. Although the movie actually sentimentalizes the real life of math genius John Nash (and convienently glosses over the controversial parts of his life, such as the fact that he had several homosexual relationships), it does a fair job in making the field of mathematics interesting. Anytime I go online and look up math theories, math-hater that I am, means you’ve done a good job at making the audience interested. Nash is famous for further clarifying a section of mathematics known as “game theory” (he did not come up with the idea, although the movie suggests he was mostly responsible). Game theory is concerned with how players in strategic situations choose moves or actions by which they can maximize their payoff. It is actually much more complicated than that, but that is my level of understanding it. Nash furthered this study by introducing the “Nash Equilibrium”, whereby if one person has decided on a strategy and it is not strategic for any other players to change their strategy, then the current set of strategies and payoffs equals an equilibrium. Complicated, I know. I’ll admit I don’t understand it all myself. However Nash’s work would have consequences that extended beyond academia. Game theory and the Nash Equilibrium have been used in fields as diverse as the economy and the military. During the Cold War, game theory was crucial for the creation of strategies by which the United States and Russia could keep each other from total annihilation. If you’ve ever seen the Matthew Broderick film Wargames (which is an excellent film), then you’ve seen how game theory can be put into action during times of military decisiveness. In that film, ultimately the computer (Joshua!) decides that the only winning move in a nuclear war scenario is not to play at all. I see I’ve strayed from what I was discussing. Anyways, I suppose if such things interest you at all take a look online and see what you find.

42, 39, 56. you could say she’s got it all.

Hi there. It’s September.

Welcome to the September Extravaganza! Seeing as how September is one of my favourite months, I thought I’d celebrate its arrival by giving you a new post each day this month, hence the ‘”extravaganza” I alluded to. I don’t pretend that this is going to be easy on me; I’m sure you’ll see a decline in quality as we get closer to October. But have no fear, I’m just going to keep it light and easy and hope there’s some laughs to be found in here and out there. On with the show!

I had a nice laugh today I’d like to share with “y’all”. On my street, I’ve noticed that one of my neighbours down the block (who I believe only moved in a few years back and who I don’t know) drives a vehicle with a website affixed to the windows. I keep seeing this address and I always tell myself I’ll check out exactly what it is, but up to today I forgot everytime. However, today I saw the address once again and THIS time I actually went online to find out what it was. I won’t tell you the address, but it is fairly innocuous and innocent and I assumed I was going to find a website dealing in arts and crafts or something along those lines. No. Rather, I was directed to a site which in fact sells adult toys and lingerie. And hosts parties by which these toys are sold. You can imagine my laughter as I found out I live on a street with a sex toy seller. And to think I believe those buzzing noises I always hear are just insects. But now I’m going to look suspiciously on strangers on my street, because they may just be going to make a personal pickup of some “intimate” stimulator or such.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

let’s get this started!

www.hopebigger.com

First, click on that link and read away. What you’ve got there is an effort by a close friend and I to do our part in changing the world and making it a better place. It was fortuitous timing tonight that we got the ball rolling, as I happened to be watching a 20/20 special entitled “Last Days on Earth”, detailing the most likely ways in which humanity could face its own extinction. Obviously, I found this very depressing. While I try not to worry too much about the things we have no control over, such as black holes swallowing our galaxy, some of the more plausible threats such as nuclear or biological warfare concern me greatly. Number one on the list was global warming, which I think most people would agree is a real threat and the one that we are able to experience even now. As a species, we seem always ready to throw away the only planet we have and make it uninhabitable for ourselves. I suppose it might be a matter of perspective. From where everybody stands it is hard to see how changes effect us all, and how we are responsible for planting the seeds of our own demise. I imagine if we could all float above the Earth, and see it for what is really is–an oasis of spectacular beauty in a dark sea which is only occasionally broken up by stars and dust and planets–we might be more concerned with damaging it. I’m guilty of course. We all are. I think this might be the one case where we’ve all done our part in taking from the Earth and giving back only pollution and destruction. The rapidity with which we have done this is frightening. It is only the last hundred years or so that we’ve cause so much damage to the planet. Humans got on just fine before then without causing so much destruction on a large scale. Modernization and industrialization seem to be the causes. Of course, we’ve also reaped great benefits in extending our own lives and bettering our standard of living, so I don’t want to call either of those things evil. But in many ways we just need to change the way we think about our place in the chain of things which make up living. Perhaps that is what hope bigger is all about. It may seem trivial or meaningless, but everything starts from the smallest thing. If we could harness the power of the mind, of everyone’s mind on this planet, and turn it to the things that really matter, those things which are essential to our true humanity, we could achieve great things.

trailways, love at first feel, and a house built solely on smoke and mirrors. the magician comes through. part one?

Ok. Yes this is another post on August the 25th, however I feel it is time. It is time for an epic series of posts where Jeffrey comes forward and decimates, destroys, tears apart, and slowly rebuilds everything he can see from where he stands now. I stand now in my room, so my view is limited. But my mind is endless and limitless and I feel I can see everything that is most important to me. I’m fertile in all the ways that count. I don’t know what’s going to sprout from this. Yet I’m interested in finding out. I’ve put too much thought into blogging lately, thinking too much and letting it stop me from just writing, just letting it flow. All the time I sit here trying to think of topics which are interesting enough to write about, while in reality I should just fucking write anything. It’s all the same, what’s golden and what’s garbage. That’s the truth in blogging, how it reduces and equalizes everything and everyone at the same time. Look, maybe we write to please ourselves first and foremost. It’s only happy accidents that others read something and say “hey, that’s funny!” or “hey, that’s interesting!” and keep on reading. So perhaps it is just one big egotistical exercise. So be it. SO FUCKING BE IT! Let us feed the ego and take apart any notions of pleasing others or even pleasing ourselves. Let us just write.

Right now, RIGHT THIS INSTANT, I’m listening to the track “This Time” off The Smashing Pumpkins’ Machina/The Machines of God. Goddamn if this isn’t one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard. Let me tell you from personal experience that when I had this on the other night while it was raining there was a syncing of nature and music and myself. Sometimes you get that just right. For example I once listened to The Cure’s Disintegration while in a rainstorm and that album was revealed to me in an incredible way, with every raindrop that moved down the frosty window I understood just how nature and music will collide, how they are meant to collide. This is just my experience and the beauty of it is you’ve probably had many experiences like this, when the perfect song met the perfect weather and for once you saw how there is something inherently musical about the way a raindrop falls or how a sunbeam hits your window. Let me also reveal something else to you all. Autumn is coming and I love it. Have you ever felt a real connection with a season, so fucking real that you are sure at some point you experience that time and place in a way that no one else understands, that you struggle to put in words because you know that it is essentially only to be experience by itself? Probably you haven’t, because I’m pretty fucking nuts. However, if that is what it is like to be nuts I don’t mind. Listen, in Autumn I understand it all. Everything is clear, and it is spelled out to me in incredible ways. You can feel Autumn, moreso than you can any other season. The colours for one. The colours burn more brightly, more intensely, yet shorter than any other time. The world goes on fire. Don’t tell me it doesn’t. You’ve seen how leaves look as they turn, as they go red and orange and finally dead brown. It’s incredible. And in Fall there is a feeling in the air, of expectation, of beauty. It’s slightly cold but you don’t mind. That’s the beauty of it right there. YOU DON’T MIND. You can feel how the weather is turning, first at night then at dusk and then in the middle of the day. It forces you to put a sweater on, and when you do you know you’ll be warm but you’ll also feel cold enough to appreciate what is happening around you. Fall comes through and clears it all away, but as it does it lights you up in a million ways and every feeling you have comes through cold and clear, like a train and so very fast yet so powerful. And if you are lucky enough to put the right tunes on, if you pick something mellow and melancholy and sad but beautiful then you’ll experience Autumn in a way that goes down somewhere inside you that is primal, the part of you that speaks only of loss and leaving but remains hopeful because it senses that all will come around again. That’s the part of you Fall inflames, awakens, the part that drives you crazy because you feel the most comfortable melancholy ever, the hollowness of knowing that what you lose you will find again. I wish I could give you the experience I have in Fall, I wish I could let you feel how empty but full you get when the sun sets early and burns so intensely that a part of you cries and a part of you nods because you understand, you know that everything burns harder towards the end. They say in Spring you fall in love and you crush over and over again because the world has awoken anew. I say they lie. I say it is in Autumn where love deepens, digs its’ claws in and takes hold and says to you “what you felt in Spring is NOTHING, it is only the start of what I have to show you”. In Autumn love is there, everywhere but silent. It needs not to explain itself, or to make itself known. It takes your heart and shakes it and pulls on it and twists it and wakes you up in the morning, cold and shivering but alive, but awake and confronting how you feel. Spring makes you lust, but Fall gives you love and lust at once, mixed together, impossible to pull apart but aching and yearning. I want to take you for a walk in the Autumn, watch the trees go aflame, feel the cold start to come down, see how thin and high the sky gets as it pulls away to a warmer place and leaves you standing together, not alone but aware. Awareness is how you are awoken in Fall, with your lover beside you. Every note is a sad one but it is the RIGHT one, and in the sadness there are great depths of beauty. And if I, or you, can share that then Fall laughs in the face of Spring and says “what I give needs so very little to bloom and so little to stay”. My explanation is nothing, it pales to what the reality is. I can’t explain this properly because I imagine it refuses to be explained properly. I’ve probably lost you all already. It’s alright, it’s just the way attention and imagination come together and fall apart. I just put on Coldplay’s “Fix You”. Yes I know this song is huge and lots of people love it and many say it is weak and overproduced and garbage. But in this song I can never not love the moment where the song explodes. You know the moment I am talking about. You can literally feel the song coalesce around you. You wait in expectation for the explosion. And when it does, nothing is the same. Such transformation is beautiful, righteous, necessary. It is the movie moment where the kiss comes. You make the soundtrack to your life with moments like these. No words are even necessary.

Times are approaching where I am going to have to make decisions. Sure I have made choices in my life, some of them small and some of them huge. But these choices are going to be beyond what I’ve encountered so far. I’m off the track, I’m off the plan. Where there used to be a set path there is only the door. Once I step through, once I make these choices the me I know won’t be here anymore, if he ever was. Am I going to make the right decisions? I believe that if I always choose with my heart, I will. I imagine then I’m putting alot of faith in my own goodness and knowingness about what is right and what is wrong. Perhaps that is the ultimate act of faith; not believing in God, or Heaven and Hell, but believing in ourselves. Maybe I sound like an idiot; I for sure sound romantic or naive. But who ever said those things were bad, or wrong? Maybe I get burned. Maybe I get hurt bad. But I need to do what I feel I should do. Maybe it is destructive, maybe everything I think is wrong. But I have to find out. I think I’ve run out of steam on this one. I doubt anyone will actually read it all. There’s going to be more though. I can’t stop now. I have to lay it all out. If this blog is to be mine, then it must truly be me.

say it in words

First order of business: if you are looking for a more introspective post, check out the one below this from August 14th.

Secord order of business: go check out http://www.flickr.com/photos/hcapadisli/ . There you will find some very beautiful photographs taken by my brother from another mother, “H”. You may also find a picture or two of me there, notoriously camera-shy as I am that is quite a feat in itself.

Right now, I’m currently reading Hemingway’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls”. Hemingway has quite the distinct style of writing. He writes like this:

Ernest Hemingway wrote a book. He picked the book up. He put it down. It was heavy. Ernest Hemingway liked his book. He once visited Spain. There he found some inspiration for his book. Ernest Hemingway put down the book he wrote which was inspired by his trip to Spain. Ernest Hemingway shot himself.

And so forth. But I don’t mean to suggest he is some hack writer. Quite the opposite. He uses sentences briefly but he uses them properly, and with just enough style and panache that you forgive him for writing peoples’ names in full over and over again. Yesterday I read Willa Cather’s “My Antonia”. It’s pronounced “an-to-nee-ah”, in case you were wondering. I actually enjoyed it much more than I thought I would, as I usually find books set in the Midwest to be pretty boring and dry, much like the Midwest itself. However, I’ve found out I’m a sucker for any story where the narrator doesn’t get the girl yet is in love with her enough that he can write about her without falling apart completely.

Bobby D said “you don’t need a weather man/to know which way the wind blows”. That’s about as righteous a comment I can lay on you tonight. By the way, I’m toying with the idea of delivering a new post every day in September. What a frickin’ challenge that would be. There is the danger that I’ll start strong and fade out so by the end of the month you’ll be getting posts which consist of what I had for breakfast that day. But that’s fun too. Oh yes, I also want to shout out to all of you who have been posting comments here on my posts. I do read them and I do appreciate them. It’s nice to know you took the time to read what I had to say. Well that’s it for now. Look for something deeper and perhaps sadder by the time the weekend rolls around.